An Oversized Obstruction

Posted on 22 April 2015

From Coachella to Bonnaroo, tall people just seem to be in the way. Live music and lanky swanky folks sometimes don’t jive. Well, that’s if you are short.

Like any good concert-goer, you duck and weave to the front of the main stage. The elusive star-studded stage is within reach...but not within sight. A skyscraper of a human is parked in front of you. Hopefully, that skyscraper has a nice occipital because you’ll be watching it for the next couple hours.

It’s not our fault. The tall species wasn’t solely created to block concert stages. We want to be close to the stage too! And if it means blocking a few people (roughly 100) on our way, so be it.

In all honesty, we do seek out areas of the venue where we can be least obstructive. We don’t purposely choose to block out the stars. Well, maybe this tall guy did:

First off, that tee shirt doesn’t even fit. It looks like he’s wearing a halter top. Don’t worry, Tallboys has the antidote. Although, our shirts don’t have words on the back to reiterate our ginormousness. But they fit. And they fit well.

For the most part, tall guys at concerts follow a list of unspoken rules. These rules help to ensure everyone enjoys the show. Here’s a summarized list of the tall man concert code:

  • 1. We get there early and lock down a spot.
  • Tall folks like us will get to the venue early to plant ourselves in a spot that doesn’t block anyone’s view. So it’s really your fault for standing behind the spot-rooted giant tree-human.

  • 2. Sorry is the magic word.
  • We’ll say sorry as much as we need to. It’s not like ‘sorry’ is actually a magical word that will release witch-brewed shrink dust upon us. You’re still not going to be able to see the lead singer...ever.

  • 3. The back is for late people...not tall people
  • Why must tall people always be told to “stand in the back.” Yes, we could probably still have a view of the stage from there. But we want to scream, ogle, and drool at the band from up close too! It’s not just a dream of shorties to breathe the same wind as the on stage celebs. And how the hell would we take a selfie with Madonna if we’re standing 100 rows back. No selfie = bad concert.

    Besides, there are worse things than standing behind a Tallboy at a concert. We all know about the stinky people at concerts. Someone needs to tell them to wash their shirt...with a flamethrower.

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