Tall Problems for Tall Torsos. No More.

Posted on 25 May 2015

Tee shirts are not a small problem for tall people. As a matter of fact, I hate tee shirts. Hate usually means bad for those who are unfamiliar with the term.

It’s nothing personal, they just suck. Well, that’s for anyone who also can’t ride roller coasters that warn of decapitation for anyone that stands taller than a yellow line. Not having a head might be slightly worse than having a cotton companion that doesn’t quite fit. But hey, we all have differences of opinion.

I feel like I’m being aggressively mean to something that can’t talk back. Good. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve flashed a belly button at some poor, now traumatized child. That kid is going to grow up with a permanent fear of v-necks.

Here are a few other key problems I have with totally terrific tee shirts. Terrific is a synonym for hate, right?

1. If I size up to make it fit, I grow a cape. You may think I’m a superhero, but I’m not. Yet.

I can be your Superman, ladies. Just not in the sense of my flying around the earth to do some sort of time machine wonder. I can't do that. But I can look like Superman when my tee shirt is sized too big. The problem is when I size up it fits here and there. But definitely not over there. And overall, just a big no.

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2. If it shrinks, it dies. And I die.

So you don't want to buy too big as evidenced by cape problems. Instead, you end up buying a shirt that fits just right. Almost too right. You avoid washing and drying your shirt because you have a feeling it'll come out 10 sizes smaller. That would be a good look if you're trying to get a nice lower belly tan. Not to mention that it smells like short people after you refuse to wash it after a few weeks.

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3. Literally, no wiggle room.

The first thing you want to do with your new tee is wear it. Shocking right? Not only do you want to wear it, but you want it to look damn good. That usually results in lady looks, flirting, a girlfriend, and _____. Yes, a tee can do all of that for you.

But if your tee shirt fits just right like we talked about in #2 and it then proceeds to die in the laundry cycle, it'll then be too tight to wear. I hope you have a furnace in your house because that shirt needs to now go up in flames. You need just the right amount of wiggle room so it'll fit perfect every time.

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So this is me saying, "Tallboys makes good tees." But I think you know after reading this post just how much those four words mean to me.

 

Guest post by:

Tall Man Troubles

Tall Man Troubles is a blog for those who are too tall. Where tall problems that were once unspoken are brought to light. By reading you'll likely laugh, nod in agreement, and walk away without hitting your head on the nearest door frame.

 

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